Breaking up is hard to do, but it doesn’t have to be and it can have benefits. One of those benefits is having a ‘gap year’ from relationships, which will not only be better for you in the long run, but also for your next partner. Here are some tips for self-discipline to get you through the hard times, and how to really enjoy your life on your own until your true soul mate comes along.
Block And Delete
Sure, you can do the whole “let’s still be friends” thing, but most of the time it doesn’t work. It’s best to cut contact completely. The easiest way to avoid temptation to contact your ex is to immediately delete their contact details. Keep their number written down in case of any emergencies, but put it in a drawer or notebook where you don’t look very often. Deleting their number from your phone will avoid any awkward drunken 2am texts, and also bring home the point that they are no longer part of your every day life. Same goes for social media – you don’t have to avoid going onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn because you’re afraid you’ll cross virtual paths or feel the desire to have a quick online stalk. Go straight into your settings and block them, plus any of their family members and friends who you didn’t like and are glad to be rid of!
Make a List
Whenever you feel that twinge of missing them or wanting to contact them, write a list as to why it’s better that they’re no longer in your life. Keep the list on your phone, or in a notebook you carry around, so that you can access it whenever you need to, and add to it whenever the twinge strikes again. Jot down anything that annoyed you about them, or any other reason not to miss them, to remind yourself that it’s for the best. Anything from “You never supported me when your parents were mean to me” or “You always picked what was for dinner and never asked me.” You’ll know you’re moving forward when you stop adding to it. Keep it handy for a few years, especially when you start a new relationship, to remind yourself of what’s important to you.
Allow Time to Heal
Imagine using a broken arm before you’re ready to – you would put yourself in agonizing pain and make the healing process longer. It’s the same with your heart and your soul. Don’t be afraid of being alone, taking some time out for yourself is beneficial in the long run and will make your next relationship (when you’re ready) much healthier too. So no dating, don’t jump into another relationship straight away, and give yourself a break from sex so that you can appreciate it more in a healthier relationship down the track. Don’t worry, it won’t be forever, and you’ll be thanking yourself later for taking the time out. This time is for for you, no-one else.
Reconnect With Your True Friends
A break up is a great way to gauge who your true friends are, and also which of your family members are truly family! Get rid of the people who clearly aren’t supporting you or care about you, or who were more his friends than yours – quality is better than quantity! Then spend time reconnecting with them, showing you appreciate their friendship, and making stronger bonds. We often get so involved in our relationships that we put our friends and family on the edge of our lives, so this is the time to make up for it and be a better friend. Remember, though, not to spend too much time moaning about your break up, it’s okay for a couple of months, but can’t go on forever – that can stretch any friendship!
Get To Know And Love Yourself
Being in a relationship for a long period and all of the compromises that come with it often causes us to lose sight of who we are as individuals. Take the time to really figure out what you love and what you don’t, strengthen those characteristics, and appreciate them because they’re you. Are you really on a paleo diet because you like it, or because he wanted you to? Time to find out, and stick to it. Then, in the next relationship, you won’t be one of those people who morphs into their partner. Spend some time by yourself – at first you will feel lonely, but that’s just at first. You’re always going to be stuck with you, so now is a great time to enjoy your own company. This will be harder for people who are naturally extroverts (don’t worry, there are tips in this list for you too), but you have to learn to enjoy your time alone so that you understand that it won’t hurt you. And anyway, how can you expect other people to like you if you don’t?
Know It Won’t Last Forever
As upsetting and heartbreaking as a relationship break up can be, remember that it’s not the end of the world. Worse things can happen to you – not to trivialize a break up, but those who have lost a loved one will tell you that a relationship break up is less heartbreaking and the grief is not as deep in comparison. Isn’t it better for something bad to be over, rather than for it to drag on and on? Isn’t it better to have someone who treated you badly out of your life? Sure, you had some good times, but at some point that stopped happening. Relationships end for a reason, and once you’re out the other side, you will feel better that you are free to find someone who truly loves you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it could be closer than you think. In the meantime, enjoy your life and who you are. Grow as an individual, and become strong. Your future relationships will be so much healthier and better for it, and you will be a happier person than you were a year ago.
If you dont let go of your ex..you wont enjoy your next.
Have a wonderful day.
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