A TO Z OF A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP.

Waking up this morning..i wondered..

There seems to be an A to Z of everything else, so why not relationships? Here we go…

A is for…Admire

Add this to your relationship to feel alive and be amorous and adoring, and let go of anger. Admire each other and yourselves. A little affection goes a long way.

B is for…Behaviors

Both of you need to know what your beliefs about relationships are, about conflict and arguments, about money, honesty, lifestyle, habits—all the things you need to understand about yourself that might be driving your behavior at a deep level. Also, work out who you are and who the other person is. What made them who they are?

C  is for…Communication

Have a chat about your communication style. Is it clear? Honest? Do you listen before you speak, or speak more than you listen? What are your feelings about commitment? Do you have confidence in yourself and the other person? How do you handle control? Is it an issue in your relationships? Be there for each other in difficult times, and learn how to communicate together in a way that works for you both.

D is for…Doubts

Every relationship will go through doubts at some point, but you need to learn to be able to discuss them and hopefully work through them. Don’t act instantly on a little doubt when it could be easily resolved.

E is for…Enthusiasm

Look deeply into your relationship: how much energy and excitement do you have? These are important parts of a relationship. How exciting are you and how much excitement do you put into your relationship? How much effort do you make to keep your partner interested in you? Keep your relationship alive and this will help you both feel enthusiastic.

F is for…Friendship

Friendship keeps relationships lasting longer than lust does. Learn everything about each other, ask lots of questions, and spend time together. Talk about one other’s hopes and fears and deal with them. And have as much fun as possible, as often as you can!

Friendship can often fly out the window when financial pressures, children, and mortgages take hold of your life, but focus on the positive, fun aspects of your relationship rather than dwelling on the negative.

G is for…Genorisity

Never define yourself by what you own, your money, your status, your income, or your looks—it’s generosity and kindness that give back. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and be generous with yourself. Be generous with your spirit and your heart, not just your money. Grow together.

H is for…Happiness

Remember to be happy! Be honest not only with yourself but with others around you. Give your partner a hug every day; this will help boost your immune system—and theirs. Seeking joy together will help you to feel happier not just in your relationship, but within yourself.

I is for…Intimacy

Intimacy is an integral part of a lifelong relationship. Not just physical intimacy, but also emotional intimacy. Make your relationship a safe place for you and the other person to share your innermost secrets with each other. Keep a part of you just for the other person, so they feel special. Keep it interesting,

J is for…Joyful

Try and go through your day being joyful about life, even if it’s not as perfect as you would wish it would be. Remember you’re still alive and the sun shines! Do activities together, play sports together, ride bikes together, learn a new hobby together—just make sure you’re doing them together!

K is for…Kindness

Being kind to each other is so important, and remember to be kind to yourself! We usually travel through our days being kind to complete strangers and work colleagues but when we arrive home we turn into monsters! Because now we can “relax” and in the process we forget basic kindness.

L is for…Listening

Listen to each other, and really listen! Don’t just wait for a quiet moment to say what you want to say. Ask yourself “What does this person really want from me?” Laugh lots! Lighten up and don’t take yourselves too seriously—life’s too short

M is for…Memories

Moments and memories pass us by each day and we end up forgetting so many of them. Keep a book where you write all the special moments you have spent together. When times get tough, you can open it up and relive those moments; the happiness will make you feel better. And remember: make memories together! Create new experiences and live out your fantasies together.

N is for…Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbal communication is much more powerful than you can possibly imagine. Words account for 7% of the message being delivered to another. Think very carefully before you speak, because remember, the other person is reading into it. You think you are hiding the fact you think they are an idiot or at fault—but you’re not, they can tell!

O is for…Optimism

Be optimistic. This makes you a happier person and makes you more fun to be around, boosts the immune system, reduces stress, and generally makes life better. Openness in your communication reduces misunderstandings and conflict. Have other interests outside your normal day-to-day routine.

P is for…Politeness

Politeness can be forgotten about easily once we are in a relationship. We are polite and lovely to strangers and colleagues and then we come home and become horrible. Work together, don’t be too mature all the time—be silly and play games. Work out where your priorities lie—work or home? Prioritize your hobbies and work. Patience will help your relationship travel a long way.

Q is for…Quantity Time

Don’t just have quality time—have quantity time. Every relationship needs time for just hanging around together. During these times is when the special, unexpected moments occur.

R is for…Respect

Respect and successful relationships go hand in hand. You have to respect yourself first and then respect your partner. Find certain qualities in each other that you respect, and then remember then when tough times occur. Make an effort to be romantic; it doesn’t just happen automatically. Plan for romantic weekends a couple of times a year.

S is for…Stress

Stress is one of the major disruptions in relationships, more than we realize. Ask yourself: how do you handle stress? Are you allowing it to build up and kill you and your relationship? Do things to help you relax, daily and weekly. Support each other and stand up for one another in public and in private. Not many people realize how important this little act is for your bond.

T is for…Thoughtful

Remember to always be thoughtful, do little things for each other, and let the other person know you are thinking about them. Send a quick text to say “I love you”, take out the rubbish without being asked, help them when they are in a predicament. Be true to yourself.

U is for…Unconditional

Accept each other unconditionally—this is a big life lesson. It is very hard to really love and accept each other unconditionally.

V is for…Value

Remember to value each other, and recognize the great things about each other. Be vulnerable with each other—this allows for real intimacy.

W is for…Wise

Wisdom is something the Dalai Lama suggested we all pursue. While there are things we need to do for others—our partners, parents , children, friends—there are also things we need to do for ourselves

X is for…X-Rated

Bathe yourself in an excess of loving, both sexual and non-sexual. Sex is a very important part of relationships and can keep it exciting as you feel intimate together.

Y is for…You

This is an important one—remember to take some “me time” every now and then. You can’t always be rushing around doing things for your partner. Relax with a book or have a bath—just make sure you do something for YOU.

Z is for…Zing, Zing, Zing

Zing, zing, zing! We all need more of this in our lives and relationships. The zest, the life, the excitement, and all the other points this article has covered.

Yes..if you and i can always remember the A to Z of relationship and marriage,trust me we will enjoy and fall inlove with our spouse over and over again.
Happy Boxing day.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Hey.firstly i m wishing you a merry xmas with lots of love from my heart to you..yes you.reading this...

Now lets get to the deal of the day..Do you kmow that
There is a huge difference between unconditional love and conditional love.?

Conditional love blames a person, expects things in return and asks for more. Unconditional love accepts the person, expects nothing in return and sacrifices.

Conditional love says:

“I will love you only if . . .”

“I don’t know if I can handle the tough times. If things get too bad, I’m outta here.

I might not be able to forgive you if you tell me . . .”

Unconditional love says:

“I will love you even if . . .”

“I will stay with you no matter what. I will always love you, even in the tough times.”

“I know I’ll still love you if you tell me . . .

”Putting love to the test

Your spouse isn’t perfect and you are the one person who sees all his or her faults and fears. What do you do with what you know about your spouse?

Do you tease your spouse with hurtful words?

Worse, do you tease your spouse with hurtful words in front of others?

Do you put your spouse down?

Do you withhold your love until your spouse corrects certain faults?

If you answered yes to a majority of these questions, you are loving conditionally and creating a huge fault line that can, at any moment, open up and become a large chasm between you. Conditional love creates a marriage in which each spouse is more concerned with getting his or her own way, instead of showing their spouse grace and love.

Your response and connection to your spouse are crucial to the health of your marriage and family. Your expression of unconditional love and acceptance is the force that will hold you together in the midst of the testing times in your marriage. Your standing with each other in the painful times as well as the good times is one of the primary elements of a great marriage.

Mature, healthy love

If you don’t learn to show your spouse unconditional love, your marriage will suffer. If you and your spouse love each other conditionally, you’ll end up living like two immature children – each trying to get your own way and resenting the other person when you don’t. You may still be married, but you’ll miss out on the joy of a great marriage. Also, husbands and wives who don’t get unconditional love in their marriage may look for it somewhere else. And while they’re looking for that unconditional love, they’re pulling away from their spouse.

That’s why it’s so important for you and your spouse to learn to love each other unconditionally, but it’s not easy. Giving your spouse the security of your unwavering love requires grace, patience, affirmation of the good things, encouragement, respect and time. Even when you don’t feel like showing love, do it anyway. You need it, your spouse needs it and your marriage needs it.

How to love unconditionally

Here are some tips on how to keep your dream marriage alive.

Talk through the issues. 

Communicate freely with each other and keep no inappropriate secrets.Love each other deeply without strings.

 Forgive your spouse when you are wronged and seek forgiveness when you offend.

Begin each day by asking, “What can I do for you?”Eagerly seek to discover and meet each other’s needs.

Hang tough. Pray without ceasing. Instead of caving in to difficult circumstances, face and conquer them.Focus on Christ and love your spouse.

 Consciously guard yourselves against threats and temptations that could pull your marriage apart

.Pray together daily. Stay close. Work at maintaining emotional, physical and spiritual closeness.Keep the chemistry with your spouse alive

. Be committed to keeping your relationship fresh.

Keeping your marriage or relationshiop strong, vibrant and fresh isn’t always easy. But if you put in the time and effort, you’ll discover how truly amazing your marriage can be.

May God help us all.
Remeber to make your spouse feel so special today.In your own little way make xmas special for him or her.

I really appreciate everyone who has been a follower of this blog.thanks for your encouraging words..do have a wonderful xmas celebration.

DON'T TALK BAD ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE.

Don’t talk bad about your husband. To anyone. Ever.

And the reverse is true too. Husbands, protect your wife when she isn’t around. Don’t ever badmouth her or let anyone else do this.

You are a team. Anyone who gossips about your spouse to you is breaking you down as a union and a threat to your happy marriage.

That person needs to be corrected or avoided, not condoned or humored. If they can rudely tear down your spouse, you can rudely cut them off and tell them disrespecting your mate is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated.

If you are weak and allow it, your mate won’t be able to rely on you or your relationship, won’t trust you or have faith in you, and outsiders will see your marriage as weak and penetrable.

Your spouse should be able to rely on you and trust that you have a strong marriage, a happy marriage, and a spouse that protects them whether or not they are around.

Protect your marriage, protect your spouse, protect each other’s reputations.

This wise marriage advice was shared with me long ago, by my Dad.and it’s one of the best pieces of advice I ever heard.

The less I focus on my spouse’s faults or complain about him, the better I feel about us as a couple.

When you complain about your spouse and focus on his faults, or worse, voice them out loud to someone else, you see them in a more negative light, treat them as though you thought less of them, and they respond likewise.

If you focus on the positive, it effects how you see them and treat them, they notice, are happier and want to make you happier, you feel even better about them…

it’s an upward, positive spiral. If you want a happy marriage, always focus on what is great about your love and if you want to say something about your husband or wife, tell people what you admire, love, and appreciate about them.

Now that the xmas and new year  holidays are coming closer, it’s a great time of year to reconnect and work on building an even stronger marriage.and relationship

. How about having a cozy date night together and  Doing something to let your husband or wife know how much they mean to you? Go to the cimema; suprise your spouse with wonderful gifts and have a great Christmas together. Don’t forget to share a romantic New Year’s kiss!

Happy xmas in advance.

WHY WOMEN CHEAT.

 Most women have been taught since childhood to be "good little girls", "behave like a lady", and "grin and bear it”. Remember hearing the saying "little girls are made of sugar and spice, and all things nice"?

Fast forward to the 21st century, where women are now allowed to be tough, to say NO, to speak their mind, to become CEO's and to enjoy sex. Women have become more assertive and in tune to their needs, wants and desires.

Some men like the fact that women are able to "talk the talk" and "walk the walk" while others feel intimidated by it. Without a doubt, this change has had a great impact on relationships between men and women, specifically the actions and behaviors of women.

Although women are not exceeding men in cheating,women are having emotional affairs and sex behind their man's back. However, when a woman cheats, she is usually cheating for emotional intimacy while a man usually cheats for physical pleasure. 

Women are still emotionally invested in their relationships. Women want to feel desired, wanted and irresistable. It's quite phenomenal how far women have come in this world, from women's lib, entering the workforce, becoming professionals, breadwinners of the family, and now getting their needs met; even if it means cheating. Now get ready to see what I reveal about why women cheat.

1. Lack of attention and intimacy: 

How long can you go without receiving love and attention before you look somewhere else? Some can go for only days or weeks, and others can go for years. However, in general, women need and desire intimacy, physical touch, and mental and emotional attention.

If you are not receiving this from your husband or boyfriend, it will only be a matter of time and you may seek it from another i.e. a caring guy friend, the attentive guy who feeds your emotional needs at your workplace, or the hot trainer at the gym. Women deprived of attention, compliments, and compassion; usually have emotional affairs. That doesn't mean it won't lead to sex, but initially they crave the attention and compassion that has been absent from their relationship.

2. Revenge:

Being cheated on is a very difficult act to forgive. For those of you who have been cheated on, you know how awful it feels. You feel deceived, hurt, angry, sad, numb and even violated. It also affects your self-esteem. At the moment, you find out your man cheated, your whole body begins to shake, you begin to sweat, your stomach drops, and you feel nauseated.

Clearly, it negatively affects your relationship, your mood, behavior, and your ability to trust the cheater ever again. When you have been cheated on, some of you may want to get revenge by making them feel the way you felt. This can lead you, to do the cheating next. The biggest truth is that cheating never solves a relationship problem. Communication, assertiveness and increasing passion and romance in your relationship are a much better solution. 

3. Bad sex:

Women need to feel desired and experience REAL orgasms during sex. If women are getting bad sex, not enough sex, non-emotional sex, or "wham-bam-thank-you-mam" sex, you may eventually lose interest in the relationship and look elsewhere for GOOD sex! This creates a temptation to seek sexual or emotional satisfaction elsewhere. In my opinion, it's best to communicate your needs to your man with the hopes that he will step it up a notch. You can do this on your own or with the help of a sex therapist.

4. Weight loss

Male attention increases quickly after a boob job, a butt implant or weight loss, and so does your self-confidence. With all this male attention, your temptation to cheat rises, and it takes more self-control to resist some of those male offers. Once you realize other guys want you, your desire to act on it may have you feeling euphoric. However, be careful, act wisely  and dont get carried away.

5. Financial independence:

When you feel financially dependent on your husband or boyfriend, it's more difficult to speak up in arguments or leave the relationship. The fear of being alone and financially unstable keeps you in a one-down position. Now that women make their own money, enjoy working, and are good at it, the need to stay in an unhappy relationship is not necessary. That feeling of power and independence can be like seeing the red carpet laid out for you; all the way to those other fish in the sea.

6. Low self-esteem:

When you feel insecure about yourself, you have a need to seek validation from others. This can be in the form of sexual, emotional, or intellectual attention. When you don't love or value yourself, you may project that onto the person you are in a relationship with, and believe they don't love or value you. Even if your husband or boyfriend loves you greatly, you still may cheat because you find it hard to accept their unconditional love. I suggest reading one of the many self-help books out there on building your self-esteem, or get some counseling to help improve self-confidence.

7. Feeling under-appreciated:

When you are in a relationship, you like to please your man. Cooking a romantic dinner, buying sexy lingerie, and listening with your heart, are just a few ways you may show your love and appreciation. So what happens when you don't hear "thank you, please or I love you.” Holidays and birthdays come and you don't receive anything meaningful, nothing at all, not even a verbal acknowledgment. We all have thresholds, and once yours is reached, you may decide to act on a "thank you, please, or I love you" coming from another direction. Let your man know he may lose you if he continues to take you for granted.

8. Bored:

He doesn't spray on that good smelling cologne anymore, his clothing is wrinkled, stained or way out-of- date. When he comes home from work (assuming he has a job), it's the same old thing; "what's for dinner"? When the weekend comes, he says he's tired and just wants to relax at home, or go out to the same sports bar you go every weekend.

The routine is the same over and over again. You are no longer on the same page. You barely have anything in common. You are feeling emotionally distant from him. You find yourself looking at other prospects and fantasize about being with someone else. You begin to feel excited (something you haven't felt in "forever") just thinking about it.

There are many ways to spice up an old, tired relationship. Boredom is something that can be resolved with a little, or sometimes a moderate amount of effort. It requires both of you introducing new ideas and behaviors, and some spontaneity. Be sure of what you want. .

Well i hope every man or guy reading this..will work on showing more love to their woman..now that you have ideas of reasons women cheat.

Give her all the love and atention..and do all you can to add some sparks to your relationship.

Do have a wonderful day.

LIES CAN RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Many of us may think that there is nothing wrong with telling a little white lie here and there, but very few of us give a second thought to the repercussions of these actions.

The more you lie in your relationship,the closer you get to GOODBYE.

Even the so called little white lies can ruin your marriage or relationship easily.

1. Lying destroys trust

Every relationship is built on mutual trust, whether that relationship it is romantic or not. Lying quickly erodes that trust, hurting both parties in the process. Whether it is keeping secrets or telling a little white lie, lying destroys one of the fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship — trust. Whether you got caught or suddenly decided to come clean and you were forgiven, the fact of the matter is that for a relationship to work, both parties must be able to trust each other. Though some might argue that trust can always be regained, it is not as simple as it sounds as the hurt partner will have so many mental blocks up that it might be difficult to regain trust.

2. No one tells just one lie…

Lies not only grow but they tend to become addictive especially if you have gotten away with a few already. There is a tendency to want to lie every time you find yourself in a jam because for you telling a lie is easier than telling the truth. And the problem arises when you tell too many lies as these lies may become difficult to contain. Simply put, one lie equals more lies and not only that, lies grow over time as it becomes harder and harder for you to keep your story straight.

3. Lying hurts the ones you care about the most

When you tell a lie, your intention is never to hurt anyone but to instead get yourself out of a sticky situation. But lies do hurt. By telling a loved one a lie, they will feel betrayed by you and it is this feeling of betrayal that can lead to a breakdown in communication, making them feel even more vulnerable than they already are! Love doesn’t hurt but lies do; and the moment you start telling lies, it is no longer love.

4. Lies can permeate the other aspects of your life without you even knowing it

Many of you might believe that if you tell a lie in your personal life that that is where it stops. Not so! Lies can transcend other aspects of your life without you even knowing it. The fact of the matter is that lying and getting away with it makes you feel invincible and so you are more likely to want to lie even more. Whether the lie you told your spouse has to do with you trying to cover up your money problems or infidelity, don’t be surprised if you start lying on the job too!

5. Lying has serious consequences

Many partners believe that when they tell a lie, especially a little white one, that nothing will become of it. But that is not the case. Lying is only a temporary cover up as it has both seen and unforeseen consequences, some of which can be life changing. And though you may think that there are several levels of lying, the painful truth is that the ones you hurt suffer emotionally.

You should think twice before lying to your spouse.
Yes the truth may be bittter or hard.but the effect is way worse when your spouse eventually discovers your lies
.Honesty is the best policy afterall......

Have a nice day.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SEX IN MARRIAGE.

The only thing you uniquely share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else is sex. So sex is the only thing that sets you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates. It’s a vital part of marriage.

Not only does sex set you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates, it also requires a deeper level of communication that you don’t normally do with just anyone. Sex requires you to talk to each other about intimate, emotional things. For example, to have a truly intimate experience with your spouse, you need to tell your spouse where you like to be touched, and make requests for certain things. This requires that you both feel a comfort level with each other that you’ve never felt with anyone else before. It requires you to both become very vulnerable by asking, receiving and giving sexually. And it requires you to reach a deeper level of trust that your spouse will respond to your requests without judgment.

Some people think sex is overrated in a marriage.., while others think there are many reasons why sex is important with your spouse. When you are in love, it can connect the two of you in a way unlike any other. Aside from the obvious connecting part to having that time with your partner, there are some great medical benefits as well. Reasons why sex is important are all below, although there are many more I’m sure.

1 CONNECTS YOU

This is a one of the most obvious reasons why sex is important I think. Of course being intimate with one another is going to bring you two closer. The simple fact that you are seeing each other naked is enough to bring you closer. Sometimes being very much in love and being attracted to each other, doesn’t mean the sexual chemistry is there. Once you two have found your groove in the bedroom, you should see that chemistry coming together.

2  STRESS RELEASE

I mean, who doesn’t want to come home after a long stressful day and release that with some loud Os? This is a great way to put a new hop in your step and restore your energy, and of course to forget about your long day. Experts say people who have regular sex respond better to stress than#people who don’t.

3. LIVE LONGER

Having one orgasm a day can keep the doctor away (see what I did there?). In order for the optimal health benefits, having an orgasm every 24 hours keeps the health #benefits at their maximum and the levels of oxytocin, estrogen and testosterone consistently flowing. Not only that, but regular sex can improve cardiovascular health, reduce risks of prostate cancer and even reduce the possibility of osteoporosis. Why not help your partner live longer?

4 EXERCISE

Make your sexy time into an exercise! You actually burn 144+ calories per half-hour every time you get down and dirty according to studies, and who doesn’t love burning calories? (ESPECIALLY while having sexy time!) The key for high-calorie-burning sex is making it hot and making it last, say experts. You can also add a little moaning and sighing, which can help you burn an extra 18 to 30 #calories.

5. GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP

Who isn’t tired after some time between the sheets? This is a fantastic way to help you close those heavy #eyesbefore your usual time. Sex is said to cause a drop in body temperature, and also appears to induce a deep sleep. Experts usually discourage #exercisewithin a few hours of bedtime but the physical activity of sex seems to be a positive exception to that rule.

6  IMPROVES BLADDER CONTROL

You might not have issues holding your bladder now, but it's bound to happen in the future. However, if you have sex often enough, your bladder control will improve. It's probably not your main reason for having intercourse, but it's certainly a great benefit!

7   GLOWING SKIN

Don't you love looking in the mirror to see flawless skin? Well, you'll be halfway there once you start having sex frequently. The more you do it, the better your #skin will look. You'll have a certain glow to you that isn't only due to your happiness.

8 RELIEVES PAIN

Having a headache is a horrible excuse for skipping out on sex. Why? Because sex can actually cure a migraine. It makes the pain disappear, so if you're not feeling the greatest, having sex could be a good move.

9. IT'S FUN

Why would you stop yourself from doing something fun? When you're with the #right person, you'll love every second you spend with them--especially the time you spend naked. A relationship is meant to make you happier, so all the fun is part of a job.

10. EASIER TO BREATHE

Sex is "a natural antihistamine, helping to combat hay fever and asthma symptoms." That means that it makes it easier for you to breathe. So if you've been having problems with your allergies lately, a good roll in the hay could be the cure you've been looking for.

11 FEELING OF WELL-BEING

Having sex frequently will create a feeling of well-being, which is why you fall asleep so easily after doing it. That means that intercourse helps both your#body and your mind. There's nothing unhealthy about it.

12  INTELLIGENCE

Sex can potentially boost your intelligence. There are studies that show that it can "accelerate brain cell growth." So if you're hoping to ace a test, you can take a break from studying to have some sex. Hey, it's worth a shot, isn't it?

13  YOU'LL LOOK YOUNGER

All of the things on this list combined will help you #look younger. Right now, you might not be worried about wrinkles, but you will be in the future. That's why having as much sex as you can while you can is a great idea.

I think we all know sex is important in a marriage , but of course if you aren’t at that stage yet, don’t take this article the wrong way. But if you are, then the above tips are all true, and trust,

I am speaking from experience(. Lol I)

Is there another reason why sex is important? Yes to have wonderful kids....

Have a nice day.

JEALOUSY....the mental cancer.

Jealousy has often been called the “green-eyed monster,” and with good reason. The “monster” is fueled by envy and can over time devour the trust and harmony in a relationship.

According to B.C. Forbes, “Jealousy…is a mental cancer.” It spreads quickly and can be fatal to a relationship. Once it gets a foothold, the jealous partner becomes even more jealous, often over insignificant things.

When we’re jealous, we’re in a state of dissatisfaction with ourselves. Jealousy brings out the worst in us and causes us to resent someone else for having what we think we don’t have—looks, charm, money, prestige, romance, charisma, success. When we’re jealous, whatever measuring stick we use makes us feel lacking and “less than.”

Fear is also involved when we feel jealous—fear that we’ll never have what the other person has, fear that we’re not as good as someone else, fear of losing our partner to another, fear that we’re not attractive or desired, and fear of being ridiculed. When we’re jealous, we feel insecure and lack self-esteem .

For a relationship to be healthy, there has to be trust, and jealousy undermines that trust. The following seven tips will help you keep jealousy from undermining your relationship with your mate:

1. When you first notice that you’re feeling jealous, immediately try to identify what insecurity or fear is being triggered. Is it a fear of abandonment? A fear that you don’t measure up? When insecurities or fears are activated, you’re more likely to overreact in a way that could hurt your relationship.

2. Instead of focusing on the behavior that you want your partner to stop so that you won’t feel the uncomfortable pangs of jealousy, examine your self-talk. Are you telling yourself, “My mate shouldn’t be flirting with him like that”? You can change how you feel by changing what you tell yourself about the situation.

3. Take a close look at your past history. Did one of your parents cheat on the other one? Or did you cheat on a partner in the past? If so, it is likely that you are projecting your past experiences and feelings on to your present partner. Try to keep the past separate from the present.

4. Do a reality check. Instead of getting upset about the future scenario your mind has jumped to, list what exact behaviors you’re upset about. Your list might read, “My partner talked to a handsome bachelor when we were at our friend’s party. She smiled, laughed, and looked like she was having a good time.” Remind yourself that this is not unusual party behavior .

5. Stay rooted in the present moment, and reel in your imagination. You don’t want to damage your relationship by accusing your mate of something he or she didn’t do. Besides harming the trust and harmony of your relationship, if you routinely accuse your partner of imaginary transgressions, you could end up pushing him or her into the very behavioryou’re zeroing in on.

6. Think before you speak. Notice the difference in the two following approaches: A) “I felt neglected last night at the party when you never spent any time with me. I was starting to feel jealous, and I don’t like that feeling. I need to talk with you about this.” or B) “I am so sick of you always flirting with every man in sight when we go to a party. People are going to think you’re nothing but a tramp.” Think about which approach will be most likely to result in a meaningful discussion.

7. Remind yourself that your partner has chosen to be with you, so he or she finds you and your qualities attractive. Also remember that confidence and self-respect is attractive to others. When you throw a jealous fit, you appear insecure and needy. If you feel yourself being ambushed by jealousy, excuse yourself for a few minutes and take several deep breaths to re-center yourself.

We all need to be very careful so we dont ruin the relationship we ve built..with our own hands or jealousy..

I wanna say a big thank you to those who ve been encouraging me..to continue this blog..thank you so much.you words mean a lot.
And for those who have confided on me on one issue or the other..i pray what we are working on works for you and your spouse,but always remember that TRUE LOVE IS NOT FOUND,IT''S BUILT.

Have a nice day.

DON'T EVER LET A GOOD WOMAN WALK AWAY.

Occasionally, we meet a woman who turns out to be the one we’ve been looking for our whole life — the woman of our dreams. Such encounters are often completely unexpected. Nevertheless, they change us forever.

Nature made us in such a way that two contrasting halves can become a perfect whole. The search for that other half often turns out to be an arduous journey. But believe me, you’ll know you’ve found her if you can say these 11 things about her. And if you’re lucky enough to find that single, perfect flower out there in the desert, hold on to her as strongly as you can; neverlet her go.

1 She’s supportive

Every man needs a woman who has the wisdom to help him get through life successfully. It’s often said that behind every great man stands an even greater woman, and this is true. Without a woman, a man can sometimes be little more than an egoist. A woman will bring meaning and direction to his life, and make him wiser.

2 She’s beautiful

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. If she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen — according to your taste, and no one else’s — then hold on to her. There are people who pay too much attention to someone’s physical appearance, and there are those who, perhaps in reaction to this, have revolted against the very idea that external beauty is important at all. Yet human beings have reveled in each other’s beauty as long as they’ve been able to see, and they shouldn’t feel ashamed to do so. But only if we recognise that, whilst it’s important, it’s not the most important thing we should value in someone.

3 She’s kind and attentive

If a woman isn’t kind at heart, then what meaningful place can she really have in your life? It almost goes without saying that the love of your life should be someone who looks after you, in every sense of the word.

4 She’s energetic

Sometimes, life is complicated. Sometimes, it can be boring and monotonous. Women aren’t there just to distract men from all this. Nevertheless, it’s more likely than not that you’ll feel a great deal happier with a woman who is energetic, lively and looking for adventure.

5 She loves you to the bottom of her heart

This is without question the most important thing. When a woman loves someone, she loves them with all her heart, dedicating herself entirely to them. If you find a woman who genuinely loves you, then you’ve found the most precious treasure the world can offer you.

6 She knows how to compromise

Everyone can be stubborn. Often we’re satisfied with the way things are, and aren’t especially open to the idea that something needs to change. Of course, finding a woman who’s ready to compromise is only half the battle — you have to be ready as well. A successful relationship is built on compromise, and you have no choice but to accept this if you want it to last.

7 She makes you feel that you’re in the right place

You know you’re in love with someone when you feel that you’ve found your own unique place in this world, as if for the first time in your life. You’re where you should be, and you don’t need anything or anyone else. If you see your own soul reflected in her eyes, then you’re home, at last. Why on Earth would you leave?

S8 he’s more than happy to tell you when you’re wrong

Every man needs a woman who will let him know when he’s acting foolishly. Guys have this strange ability to make the wrong decisions and do really stupid things. When you find that woman who keeps you on the right track and tells you when you’re wrong, you’re life can only get better — even if you sometimes find it frustrating.

9 She has strength of character

All of us are looking for someone who fits our own idea of the perfect woman, but in every case this means some combination of strength and feminity. A woman with strength of character is exactly what every man needs. And one that expresses her feminity in whichever way she chooses is...well, also ideal. These two qualities are not contradictory; in fact they can be combined in an ideal way.

10 She’s passionate

A life filled with passion is the only one worth living. To feel the fire of passion within and have no one to express it to is impossible to bear. Passion only works when it’s expressed between two people. And if she doesn’t have this, then chances are your relationship is lacking something vital.

11 She means everything to you

Very often, when we fall madly in love with someone, we can’t explain why. The point is that you don’t need a reason. If you love her and can’t imagine life without her, don’t let her go. You should realise how much she means to you. Sometimes, men don’t see this until it’s too late. We always assume we’ll get a second chance to be together — well, perhaps you will. But there’s an equal chance that you won’t; you really might lose her forever. And then you’ll be filled with regret for the rest of your life, because you let the most important thing in the world slip through your fingers. Don’t risk it.

TYPES OF WOMEN EVERY BACHELOR MUST RECOGNISE.

All women can be divided into distinct and predominant types or categories, Some of these categories are bad, some are good, and some can be either or both at times.   I'll explain each of them.   A midlife bachelor has to understand and recognize each of these types so that he can be prepared to handle them appropriately, or flee the scene!

Guess what...they all come with advantsges and disadvantage

1. Ms. Gold-Digger

Advantages
a. You have some one to manage your money.
b. She always looks good.
c. She makes your other friends jealous.
d. She makes you look good.

Disadvantages
a. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.
b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.
c. Once your friend comes up she'll be on his arm the next day.

2. Ms. Freak (secret lover)

Advantages
a. She knows all the right positions.
b. She'll try everything more than once.
c. You're never unsatisfied.
d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.
e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.

Disadvantages
a. Eventually, because she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.
b. She starts to act like she's your "main".
c. She fucks your friend and acts like you are wrong for telling her that she's a freak.
d. Eventually her shit gets old. And you need a replacement.

3. Ms. Independent

Advantages
a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She's got it.
b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She's great for (business) conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.

Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say fuck you and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.

4. Ms. Dyme

Advantages
a. She's top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a "model"
e. Gets you hard whenever you see her.
f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.

Disadvantages
a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up because every guy is gonna try to get with her.

5. Ms. Tomboy

Advantages
a. She's cool and laid back.
b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She's a diamond in the rough.

Disadvantages
a. She'll remind you too much of your best guy friend.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.

6. Ms. Ghetto

Advantages
a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.

Disadvantages
a. She doesn't know how to act in public.
b. Your mama can't stand her.
c. You get into with her every other second.
d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.

7. Ms. Good Girl

Advantages
a. She's always there for you.
b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.
c. Your mother loves her.
d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.
e. You are her first everything.
f. She makes you feel like a man.

Disadvantages
a. She's an A or B situation either:
A. You're not going get any until you are married or
B. She said she's never done - she said she's never tried - she's sitting there telling a mother fucking lie.

8. Ms. Main

Advantages
a. She is the one you respect.
b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.
c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.
d. You've been with her forever.

Disadvantages
a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.
b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass

9. Ms. Psycho

Advantages
a. She's fun and spontaneous.
b. She's down to earth.
c. She loves you unconditionally.
d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.
e. She makes you feel loved.

Disadvantages
a. Don't ever break up with her. She will stalk your ass.
b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.
c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.
d. She will consider herself your wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.
e. Fucking with her can make your life a living hell.

10. Ms. I have a Man

Advantages
a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.
b. She looks good.
c. You have an intense night of passion with her.

Disadvantages
a. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.
b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.
c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass.
d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.

11. Ms. Tease

Advantages
a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.
b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.
c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.
d. Everything she does is just so sensual.
e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.
f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.
g. Every guy wants her because she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.

Disadvantages
a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.
b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.
c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)

12. MS. RIGHT

Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme she is Beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.
b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.
c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's.
d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.
e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.
f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.
g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.
h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.
i. She's always there for, no matter what your dreams are.
j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.
k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.
l. You love being around her more than your boys.
m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.
n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever.
o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your shit. But she's also intelligent enough to leave.
p. She's nothing like any other girl you've met. She's your woman.

Disadvantage
a. You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go.
b. You don't believe that she exists. So you stick with other types of girls that don't satisfy you or make you happy.

Dear brothers...dont say i did jot warn you oooo...please choose Ms right....
Have a nice day.

RECOGNISE THE PLAYER AND LET HIM GO.

A player is usually very deceptive and manipulative. When one enters your life you would think  they are a gift from the gods – that is exactly what they want you to think. Sadly this thin veil of deception often hides low self worth, an inability to form secure attachments and inevitably heartbreak when the deception is exposed.

People who have been single for a long time, are lonely or who are struggling with their own self-esteem are particularly vulnerable to falling for a player but really no-one is exempt. Here are some of the main warning signs which can help you spot a one of these slippery characters if you are unfortunate enough to date one.

In the beginning….

The beginning of a relationship with a player will usually feel like a whirlwind and you may be knocked off your feet by their charm, enthusiasm and interest in your life. They will work hard to make you believe, very quickly, that your life has no value without them.

They will endeavour to be in your life right away helping with problems and offering to be there for you in all sorts of situations. Before long they are in the centre of your life and being charming, endearing and overly helpful with other people as they try to ingratiate themselves with your family and friends too. Look out for boasting, unsubstantiated claims, a lack of information about themselves and flashy or grandiose plans – if it all seems too good to be true, it probably is.

As time goes on…

The aim of a player is to win your affection and the mark that this has happened is often that the relationship becomes sexual – they have achieved their conquest. For others it will be when you say you love them, or in extreme cases, agree to marry them. Whatever the challenge is, once it is achieved the tide turns very suddenly as he or she backs off and you are left wanting. This will turn the tables and you may find yourself spending more money, time, energy and effort than you would normally to lure them back – maybe even compromising your own principals and standards to do so.

You may also begin to realise that you don’t really know very much about them – like where they live or work – and when you start to check out the things they have told you none of it really seems to stand up.

Why are people players?

Most players are looking for a fix for their fragile ego. They will say all the things you want to hear and will feel euphoric with your response because their ego will have got its much needed feeling of power and control. Fundamentally they are scared and feel unlovable so they are drawn to many intense, short relationships rather than longer, more sustained attachments which would expose their vulnerability.

By using their charm, wit and skill to lure you into their trap they will get a temporary feeling of euphoria which – like an addict who needs a fix – gives them relief which soon wears off. They then feel compelled to leave and repeat the whole process again with their next victim – the thrill of the chase; the euphoria in succeeding; the downer when it wears off and the compulsion to do it again even if they are aware that their behaviour is damaging to themselves and those whose lives they touch.

In the end…

The world is full of players – in politics, industry and the arts as much as in everyday life. To a certain extent we are all playing – trying to negotiate relationships and situations so that we get our needs met and feel autonomous in our lives.

A player in the romantic arena is a different matter because they are playing with people’s hearts and emotions and exploiting people’s vulnerability to get what they want. No one wants to be left feeling like a fool and the fear of this stops many people from dating at all.

A much better strategy would be to learn to not give your heart away because someone flatters you and makes you feel a million dollars.

Take time to get to know them and listen to your intuition.

If someone is overly brash, confident, pushy or asks you to do anything that you feel uncomfortable about – e.g. loaning them money when you have just met – don’t be afraid to cut contact and call customer services. (Lol)

Here are more signs to help you apot a player......

1. His eyes are always on the move

We can’t walk around blindfolded and no one expects us not to notice an attractive individual when we’re out and about, but a player’s eyes are consistently wandering. When a player sees an attractive girl  it’s likely  he’ll lose complete focus on you and will have no type of cool about himself. Eyes will wander, but when wandering becomes consistent staring, there’s a problem.
My sister..run ooo

2.. Communication comes and goes

Not everyone can be glued to their phone but with a player you’ll quickly notice that communicating throughout the day is hit or miss. One day you’ll be texting back and forth for hours and the next day you don’t hear a peep from him. Inconsistent communication is a big red flag..hummm

3. He sweet talks you immediately

Some guys are just naturally sweet but until there’s some sort of emotional connection, most guys aren’t calling you pet-names or ringing your phone to say goodnight. If the guy you like is calling you baby and whispers sweet nothing into your ear, it may all seem nice, but it’s a trick. He’s talking you into letting down your guard and hopefully getting into his bed.

4   “maybe”

He’ll maybe have time to see you tomorrow. He’ll maybe be able to come over and watch a movie for the night. When maybe becomes his go-to answer for nearly everything, maybe he’s a player. Okay, he most likely is a player

5  You aren’t friends online

Like many people these days, the guy you’re interested in probably has an account on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. You’d think that by being together, he’d want to become e-friends too. But, if you’ve tried friending him and been denied, he clearly doesn’t want to socialize out of the time he sets aside for you.

6  He wont answer the phone in  front of you

Yes it’s rude to talk on the phone when you two are together but when the phone does ring, he takes the call to another room. Other times he’ll ignore the call saying it’s no one important. At the end of the day, he won’t talk on the phone with you around because it’s probably another girl on the line.

7 He only comes to see you at night.

Though you’ll take what you can get, having a guy that only wants to see you at ungodly hours of the night is problematic. He’ll come over after he goes to the bar with his boys. Time is nice but at the end of the night it’s all just a booty call.

The list is endless..and like i do say to ladies especially..we are blessed with a gift from God.if you are with a player.something will tell you,you ll feel it in your heart.but the problem is sometimes we argue with our heart and think if he s a player...i can change him
Trust me on this..nothing can keep a player or any man unless he wants to be kept..

Have a nice day.

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE ???

I hate to be the one to break it to you but if you’re still single and don’t want to be there is really only one reason why. Now, you might need to sit down for this one. Are you ready? Here we go!

The number one reason is …
You just haven’t found the right one yet
OK, let that sink in for a minute.

My guess is that you were probably expecting a different answer, right? Like something that is wrong with you? Maybe you’re not pretty enough or masculine enough, not funny enough, not smart enough,

Well, that’s not actually the truth; the truth is that you just haven’t found them yet.
I know i may not have seen you in person but I’m guessing you’re pretty awesome, that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are possibly your own worst critic.

Wanna know why you haven't met the man of your dreams? Find out now!

1 Your standards are too high. It's great to have high standards. No woman should sell herself short and then be stuck in a situation she regrets. There is such a thing, however, as having standards that are too high.

What's the difference, you ask? Well, normal standards are something like this: "I want him to respect me, treat me right and be honest and decent." Too-high standards look like this: "He better drive a Lexus and have a job making six figures."

It's good to have expectations but ultimately, whether or not he's a high earner isn't going to bring you happiness or a stable relationship. Also, don't let your standards get in the way of a good guy. Sometimes, women will pass on a man, believing they can do better, only to settle with a lesser someone years later.

Always ask yourself if your standards are realistic. And more importantly, ask if your standards will nab you the man that will make you happy. 

2. Negativity is your middle name. Do you need to win every argument? Are you confrontational or super defensive? Do you never give compliments, are always negative or can't be pleased? If so, this might be something to look at.

Believe it or not, there are certain personality traits that will turn men off, no matter how gorgeous a woman is. If you always walk into a relationship like nothing he does is good enough, he will not stick around. And if, when you first meet a man, you're not willing to engage him in conversation about his interests, he will also not stick around.

Don't be combative or hostile and don't let one thing he says turn you off to him completely. Open up a little more and don't stress. Men who see women as unfairly and overly negative usually head for the door.

3. You're going after the wrong guy. It happens all too often. You're able to pull what you think is a fantastic guy — good looking, charming, a guy girls women would kill for. He can get whoever he wants. And that's part of the problem.

If you're constantly seeking the guy who's going to make every woman jealous, keep in mind that this guy probably knows that he can get you and any other woman in the room. Thinking that the lotharios are the ones that want to stick around are where you're bound to get caught going after the wrong guy.

You could be in the wrong location.Sometimes, you may be in a city or town and you just don't click with the men you're surrounded by. Maybe you're in a rural town and you like city guys or maybe you're in a city but prefer a cowboy. In any case, you probably won't be able to connect if you don't have things in common.

If you think that you're not getting along with the guys in your area, seek out a different area – go to different hang outs, different scenes and explore. You may find that you're more attracted to the type that goes to a lounge than goes to a bar.

6. You don't take care of yourself. Believe it or not, men care about this. Not in the ways you think (we're really not caring what brand your shoes are) but we do care if you take care of yourself. This includes things like wearing nice clothes, doing your hair, makeup, exercising and even what you eat.

Now, you don't need to go overboard and this shouldn't be a determining factor in a relationship. But if you're wearing a sweatshirt and jeans without any makeup and your friends are doing a little something to make themselves appealing, most men's eyes are going to go for those girls first.

It's not that you aren't appealing but by the time he gets to you, he's already taken by the girl who put in a little extra effort. Also, things like staying in shape are important. A healthy body is connected to a healthy mind. Again, don't go overboard — extra fat isn't going to kill you. But making sure that you don't have five layers of fat will also help.

. 7 You're hung up on an ex. Whether you're still seeing him or still dreaming about him, the ex is getting in the way and leaving you with nothing but an empty bed. Sometimes the thoughts of an ex will keep you from investing in another man.

The ex will make you see other men as just a passing phase on the way back into the ex's arms. Other times, the men you're dating will catch wind that you're still in love with your ex. If this is the case, many men will split before they get attached and subsequently hurt when you and the ex rekindle the spark (even if it's just for the night).

8. You're being judgmental and insecure. Most men do not care to be around women who are full of judgments about people and life. It's negative, saps out the fun and motivates us to be on guard with what we say and how we act. The end result: we don't feel free when we're with you.

Hating on other women only reveals your insecurity and weakness of character. People say men are visual, and we are, but we are also discerning when it comes to character.

9. You give everything up too easily. When you're a teenager, you think the easiest way to get a man to stick around is to sleep with him. When you get a little older, you realize that isn't necessarily the best way.

If you sleep with a man the first time you meet him, there's a good chance he may not call for a second date. Why? He may feel that he has gotten everything from you that's worth getting. By not giving him more than a kiss the first night you meet him, he will be encouraged to continue the pursuit.

Also, when he finds it's that easy to be with you sexually, he'll quickly start to wonder how many other men found it to be just as easy. He will be disinclined to start dating, thinking that you may find another guy to hook up with.

11 Desperation is dripping off of you. It is an energy frequency that repels everyone, men and women alike. Desperation is the fullest expression of fear.

Get out of your head and be in the moment. Enjoy what is happening and do not attach to any outcome. Desperation is a state of mind that takes you over and drives you repeatedly to singleville.

13. You can't be by yourself. Men are turned off by the woman who always has to have company and can't be by herself. If a man is calling you and you're in the company of another man every time, he'll feel unneeded and wonder why he should even bother with someone who's always so occupied.

14. You don't actually want a relationship.Whether you admit it or not, you may actually besingle because you want to be. You may enjoy going out with girlfriends and playing the field. You may not want the attachment of a serious partner or you may just not be very good at commitment. In any case, some women who are single really just want to be single; some want to be single subconsciously.

If you're asking "why am I single" but then not returning the calls of men who are interested or if you're going out for drinks every weekend, these are behavioral signs that you really, at core, don't want to be tied down. Sometimes being single is just what you want.

Whatever is keeping you single has very little to do with anything outside of yourself. Your perceptions about men, yourself, the meaning you put into the little things, your beliefs are all most likely in need of an overhaul. We are all energetic, vibrating beings. Confidence, fun, depression, bitterness – they all vibrate at specific frequencies. What are you vibrating during most of your life?

The good news is that vibrations, perceptions and beliefs can always be changed and we're here to help you. Talk to a Relationship Coach today, and begin removing the labels you've put over your beautiful self that are clouding you.

Remeber you can contact us via mail..topssite4u007@gmail.com
You need not reveal your identity..and all conversationa are confidential..

DO HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

TRUSTING YOUR SPOUSE.

Trust

In any relationship, people have to be able to trust each other. This means being honest with the other person in the relationship. Having trust in a relationship also means proving to each other that you are reliable, responsible, and dependable.

What happens in a relationship without trust? It could involve second guessing and not believing each other. It also might involve betrayal by sharing secrets or obsessively checking on the other person. 

For example: if you are worried your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you, constantly checking his or her phone messages to make sure he or she is not texting or calling someone else means you do not trust him or her. A better solution is to communicate your concerns and develop a greater sense of trust. 

Trust is an important component of any healthy relationship. If your relationship lacks trust, it's hard to get close to the other person and to rely on him or her for support. 

In a trusting relationship, you should be able to shareinformation with your partner without worrying that he or she will share it with others or gossip about it. You should also avoid sharing any confidential information your partner tells you (unless keeping a secret puts him or her in danger). 

In a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable around the other person and not fear for your safety. If you do fear for your safety or feel belittled or hurt when you're around your partner, there is a good chance that you're in an abusive relationship.

Now, let's relate trust back to The ABCs:

Awareness: This includes instincts. Always trust your instincts

.Balance: You must have a relationship built on mutual trust.

Choices: Trust that you are making the right decisions and follow through with them.

Trust eventually leads to the third building block: respect.

You have to realize that trust is not about finding the perfect, trustworthy person; it's about signing up to work through hurt when it arises.

More articles about trust and how to  earn the trust of your spouse..will be discussed...
Do have a wonderful day.

HOW TO APPRECIATE YOUR SPOUSE.

Whether you are married for just a month or for a decade, you often take your spouse for granted. Courtesy, gratitude, and care for each other wears off. The same person whom, once upon a time, you would thank for little things, now feels unappreciated by you for all that they do for you everyday.

Why is it that today if some “stranger” offers you a drink or holds the door for you, you jump to thank them even before their act of kindness is completed, and yet, you show no gratitude to your husband or wife’s hard work all day long?

What we fail to realize is that expressing gratitude benefits both partners in the relationship—the recipient and the giver. When you give appreciation, you often receive even more in return.

Every day is filled with wonderful opportunities to tell the special person in your life, how grateful you are for this relationship. Here are some simple ways to shower your husband or wife with well-deserved appreciation everyday:

1. Thank your spouse because they care, not because it’s their job.

When your spouse helps with a chore, whether it’s doing dishes, taking out garbage, feeding the baby, or doing groceries, don’t think it’s their job. Moreover, don’t take their work for granted just because you do your share of chores also. Appreciate the care and thoughtfulness that your husband or wife invests in this day-to-day grunt work.

2. Tell them why you appreciate their act of kindness.

Your spouse would be delighted to know why you are grateful. Moreover, specifying what makes you thankful shows you are sincere in your appreciation. Say: “Thank you for cleaning the snow. It gave me some time to relax!” or “It was nice of you to take kids to play outside as I was able to work on my assignment in peace.”

3. Be creative in expressing thanks.

Learn and use different phrases everytime. If you keep using “Thank you” all the time, it looses its charm and meaning after a while. Try more personalized phrases: “I appreciate it”, “I love it when you….”, “I am grateful for…”, “May God bless you!”, “Jazakallahu Khayran”, “What would I do without your help”, “I will pray to Allah for you…”…etc.

4. Appreciate the time and thoughtfulness, not only the results.

Even when your partner goofs up and is unable to deliver up to your expectations, thank them for their effort and time. If your spouse forgets to buy an item from the long list of groceries, or if he or she burns the dinner, don’t make them feel all their work was wasted. “It’s not a big deal, honey. Thank you for your effort.”

5. Look for positives to appreciate even in negative circumstances.

How often you get upset when your husband or wife tells you: “Honey, I have to work extra hours next weekend to meet a project deadline,” or “I am running late tonight,” or “My mom is feeling ill and she will need my help this week.” Instead of whining, thank them for calling you and informing about the situation. This way, your spouse will do their best to reciprocate and make up for the inconvenience.

6. Write and leave surprise “Thank You” notes.

You would be surprised, how powerful these little acts of gratitude can be in making your husband or wife feel special. These can make their day. You can hide a note somewhere for your partner to discover, or send a quick text message on your way to work, or shoot a heartfelt email, to simply say “Thank You!”

7. Let them know how important they are to your success.

Count your blessings and accomplishments in life, and inform your husband or wife about the impact they have in your success. Whether it’s your career, academic pursuits, parenting, community work, or spiritual growth, appreciate how your spouse contributes to the achievement of your goals.

8. Praise and thank them in private and public.

Many a times a husband or wife feels appreciated at home, but feel they are worthless when they step out in public domain. Some couples don’t think there is a need to thank their special ones in public. On the other extreme, some spouses only thank each other in public to show people how well-mannered they are, while they are abusive at home. When your gratitude is consistent and sincere in all spheres of your married life, you will see the positive impact of it in your relationship.

9. Go out of your way when they need help.

The true test of a grateful attitude is when you take initiative to make someone feel special and serve them when they need your care the most. If your wife or husband feels down or drained one day, be more thoughtful. Offer to do the chores rather than waiting to be asked. Let them take a nap, give them a message, or given them a break from children.

10. Use the time-tested method to thank.

Say thank you with a gift. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Flowers, or a box of chocolates, or a dinner out at a restaurant, or a custom engraved stationery, or a gift certificate to a spa.

Tell your spouse THANK YOU..today in a special way...a little appreciation goes a long way.

Have a nice day.

HOW TO FORGET ABOUT YOUR EX...

Breaking up is hard to do, but it doesn’t have to be and it can have benefits. One of those benefits is having a ‘gap year’ from relationships, which will not only be better for you in the long run, but also for your next partner. Here are some tips for self-discipline to get you through the hard times, and how to really enjoy your life on your own until your true soul mate comes along.

Block And Delete

Sure, you can do the whole “let’s still be friends” thing, but most of the time it doesn’t work. It’s best to cut contact completely. The easiest way to avoid temptation to contact your ex is to immediately delete their contact details. Keep their number written down in case of any emergencies, but put it in a drawer or notebook where you don’t look very often. Deleting their number from your phone will avoid any awkward drunken 2am texts, and also bring home the point that they are no longer part of your every day life. Same goes for social media – you don’t have to avoid going onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn because you’re afraid you’ll cross virtual paths or feel the desire to have a quick online stalk. Go straight into your settings and block them, plus any of their family members and friends who you didn’t like and are glad to be rid of!

Make a List

Whenever you feel that twinge of missing them or wanting to contact them, write a list as to why it’s better that they’re no longer in your life. Keep the list on your phone, or in a notebook you carry around, so that you can access it whenever you need to, and add to it whenever the twinge strikes again. Jot down anything that annoyed you about them, or any other reason not to miss them, to remind yourself that it’s for the best. Anything from “You never supported me when your parents were mean to me” or “You always picked what was for dinner and never asked me.” You’ll know you’re moving forward when you stop adding to it. Keep it handy for a few years, especially when you start a new relationship, to remind yourself of what’s important to you.

Allow Time to Heal

Imagine using a broken arm before you’re ready to – you would put yourself in agonizing pain and make the healing process longer. It’s the same with your heart and your soul. Don’t be afraid of being alone, taking some time out for yourself is beneficial in the long run and will make your next relationship (when you’re ready) much healthier too. So no dating, don’t jump into another relationship straight away, and give yourself a break from sex so that you can appreciate it more in a healthier relationship down the track. Don’t worry, it won’t be forever, and you’ll be thanking yourself later for taking the time out. This time is for for you, no-one else.

Reconnect With Your True Friends

A break up is a great way to gauge who your true friends are, and also which of your family members are truly family! Get rid of the people who clearly aren’t supporting you or care about you, or who were more his friends than yours – quality is better than quantity! Then spend time reconnecting with them, showing you appreciate their friendship, and making stronger bonds. We often get so involved in our relationships that we put our friends and family on the edge of our lives, so this is the time to make up for it and be a better friend. Remember, though, not to spend too much time moaning about your break up, it’s okay for a couple of months, but can’t go on forever – that can stretch any friendship!

Get To Know And Love Yourself

Being in a relationship for a long period and all of the compromises that come with it often causes us to lose sight of who we are as individuals. Take the time to really figure out what you love and what you don’t, strengthen those characteristics, and appreciate them because they’re you. Are you really on a paleo diet because you like it, or because he wanted you to? Time to find out, and stick to it. Then, in the next relationship, you won’t be one of those people who morphs into their partner. Spend some time by yourself – at first you will feel lonely, but that’s just at first. You’re always going to be stuck with you, so now is a great time to enjoy your own company. This will be harder for people who are naturally extroverts (don’t worry, there are tips in this list for you too), but you have to learn to enjoy your time alone so that you understand that it won’t hurt you. And anyway, how can you expect other people to like you if you don’t?

Know It Won’t Last Forever

As upsetting and heartbreaking as a relationship break up can be, remember that it’s not the end of the world. Worse things can happen to you – not to trivialize a break up, but those who have lost a loved one will tell you that a relationship break up is less heartbreaking and the grief is not as deep in comparison. Isn’t it better for something bad to be over, rather than for it to drag on and on? Isn’t it better to have someone who treated you badly out of your life? Sure, you had some good times, but at some point that stopped happening. Relationships end for a reason, and once you’re out the other side, you will feel better that you are free to find someone who truly loves you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it could be closer than you think. In the meantime, enjoy your life and who you are. Grow as an individual, and become strong. Your future relationships will be so much healthier and better for it, and you will be a happier person than you were a year ago.

If you dont let go of your ex..you wont enjoy your next.
Have a wonderful day.

SAY NO TO VIOLENT AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

Relationship violence occurs when an individual uses a pattern of emotional, verbal, sexual, and/or physical, abuse to control an intimate partner. Relationship violence can affect anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, culture, age or religion.

Disagreements develop from time to time in relationships. Relationship violence is not a disagreement; it is a pattern of behaviors that may cause psychological harm or physical injury and/or be criminal in nature.

Relationship or domestic violence may begin with insults, name calling, shoving, or throwing and breaking objects, then proceed to driving recklessly to endanger or scare another person, isolating family members from others, and controlling resources like money, vehicles, credit, and time. More physically violent behaviors include threats of violence or suicide, or threats to take children from the abused person, hurting pets, kidnapping, stalking, hitting, and strangling/choking.

Abuse is a learned pattern of behavior and, without intervention, becomes more destructive and sometimes lethal over time. Abusive individuals may have a need for power or control over someone else to compensate for their own low self-esteem, insecurity, fear, and confusion. A

Relationship Violence Warning Signs

A partner who:

Makes all the decisions in the relationship;

tries to control you by being bossy and giving orders

. You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells around the abuserLoses his or her temper and then blames you for causing this loss of control; says you provoke him or her, led him or her on, made him or her do it; twists your words and makes you feel you’re the “crazy one.”

Checks up on you frequently—listens in on phone calls, checks your e-mail, constantly asks about your whereabouts, calls you at work, checks your car mileage, always wants to be with you to the exclusion of anyone or anything else in your life.

Is jealous and possessive of you and/or won’t accept breaking up.

Doesn’t take your opinion seriously—puts down your thoughts or feelings, calls you names.

Threatens you, your friends or family or pets—uses or owns weapons, scares you because you are unsure of how he or she will react to the things you say or do.

Says s/he can’t live without you and may threaten suicide.Is violent—this may include “just” grabbing too hard or pinching to serious physical violence, such as choking and hitting behaviors. S/he may have a history of fighting or losing his or her temper quickly; brags about mistreating others

.Pressures you for sex— is forceful when you do have sex; attempts to guilt-trip you by saying,

“If you really loved me you would...;” gets too serious about the relationship too fast

.Engages in reckless behavior, including dangerous driving, abuse of alcohol or other drugs—may pressure you to take them also.Has a history of bad relationships—blames the other person for problems in the relationship.

Believes that men should be in control and powerful and women should be passive and submissive.

Your friends and family have warned yo
u about or told you they were worried for your safety.“

Too good to be true”—at least in the beginning.Can’t stand to be away from you—this can include jealousy, possessiveness and stalkingManipulative behaviors— makes you feel guilty or embarrassed to say no.

After a violent episode, the abuser is apologetic, sends flowers, etc., and promises to never do it again. And then it happens again.

ACT.fast so you dont blame yourself at the end of the day.
Some say being single or lonely is misery..i dont think so...i think being in a violent relationship in the name of love is the defination of MISERY.

KEEPING MY MAN..

When is the last time you reminded your man  just how much they mean to you? If you're wondering how to keep your man happy, you've come to the right place. These nine tips will ensure a satisfied partner and a faithful relationship.

Many women complain that the men in their lives are not faithful. While this may be partially true, it is also true that not all men cheat. Women are often clueless about the reason why men cheated. Men have insecurities and when they are not shown sufficient attention, or if they are emotionally or sexually dissatisfied, they may cheat. It is also true that some men cheat because they are always looking for excitement, but many men also choose commitment and faithfulness. If you show your man that he is the only one in your life, and take care of him, there are fewer chances that he will leave you for someone else. Women have not been successful in ridding men of such behavior, but some women can do it. So how can you keep your man happy? We gathered a few secrets to keep your man from straying.

Give him good love
If a man knows that he will get attention and love at home, he will not be anxious to find it elsewhere. If you do this, you can expect him to do the same for you. Treat him with care and let him know that he is important.

Let him know the consequences
Don’t tell him that you will leave him, tell him you will do the same. No man would be able to accept a cheating wife.

Tell him how much you love him
So you both married because you love each other. You pledged your love, too. But if you send him an SMS text or put a love note on the refrigerator, it will have a better effect.

Stay sexy
It is possible that your man has lost interest because you have changed significantly—emotionally and physically. Sexual attraction is important in keeping a relationship alive. You do not have to look like a supermodel, but maintain your original shape. Also, you must initiate sexual intercourse. The feeling that he is desired will make him love and want you more.

Trust him
Men, or anyone for that instance, don't like someone keeping a track of their daily activities. Trust him and show him that you know he will be faithful to you.

Know Him Better
Men need their own space. Get to know his friends and if he wants to hang out with them, make sure that you know where he is. Watch out for his ex-girlfriends and try to find out how your man feels about them now. Get to know him even more than you already do.

Flirt with him: Flirting keeps your passion alive, and it is a vital part of any good relationship. You should keep the romance alive, and go on dates often.
 

Support him
Encourage him if he wants to try something new. Support him if he's going through a rough phase in life. Generally, men do not open up as easily as women do. If you talk to your man, chances are that he will talk back. Support him, and at the same time, respect his privacy.

Get a hobby
If you have a hobby of your own, you can keep yourself busy while your man is doing something else. This will keep you away from thinking negatively about your 
Even if you do all and he still cheats,trust me you ll feel better knowing that you did all your part and played your role as a good wife.

Have a nice day.

For questions..and personal..commemts you can contact queen via mail..topssite4u007@gmail.com